Sometimes I Wonder

As I continue to learn and grow in my relationship with God, I find myself asking a lot of questions. Have you ever wondered, “If I chose God and believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins then I should have everything that His Word says I should have, right?” “Why don’t I have it?” “Why would Jesus tell me to ask for this earth to be like heaven, yet it seems impossible?” “If God is such a loving Father, why do I not always feel loved?” “If Jesus said we should be doing greater works than he did, why don’t I see that happening all around me, and why am I not doing those greater works that he referred to?” “Why tell me to ask, seek and knock if you are not going to answer?” Why tell me that I have not because I ask not, but when I ask, you don’t answer?” “I know we were told that we would have trouble in the world, but Jesus said to take heart because he overcame the world. Why doesn’t it look like he overcame it?” “Why do I keep meeting men who pretend to be…Sorry…I digress.” Well, you get the point. The list goes on and on.

God may not answer every single question, but He lets us know what we need to know when we need to know it. For a long time, I took part in the process of going to church almost every week and enjoying the feeling of being encouraged. It gave me a renewed sense of faith and trust in God. The problem is that the feeling only lasted for a short time after, and I was doing very little outside of the church to go deeper with God.

Just consider some of the scriptures and the way we shout out “Yes” and “Amen” whenever we hear them. I’ll paraphrase.

No weapon formed against me shall prosper. (Isaiah 54:17)

God did not give us a spirit of fear. (2 Timothy 1:7)

I can do all things through Christ. (Philippians 4:13)

Nothing is impossible with God. (Luke 1:37)

All things work together for the good of those who love God. (Romans 8:28)

I will run and not be weary; I will walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31)

While many of us are right in the middle of shouting “Amen” the reality is that in our minds we may have other thoughts.

Right now, it feels like every weapon is coming against me and prospering. I can do all things? Really? I barely got out of bed this morning because I have so many things weighing on me…but let me go ahead and put this smile on my face and go through the motions anyway. Maybe I missed the day when God gave out the power of love and self-control because I feel anger and rage right now. I love God but I have been waiting for Him to answer my prayers for a very long time. As usual, I have to figure it out on my own. The best way to get something done is to do it myself. For nothing to be impossible with God, it sure doesn’t seem that way. Run? Walk? I am tired and about to faint from all the burdens I’m carrying.

On top of that, right in the middle of praying about something, we find that our mind is wandering, trying to come up with a solution to the very thing that we are praying about. It is absolute insanity, right? Or maybe it was just me. The bottom line is that I was sick of it. I started thinking of the words to “The Lord’s Prayer”. Specifically, the words, “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, in earth as it is in heaven.” Jesus specifically told us to pray those words. I needed God to help me understand why we do not have this.

I was reminded of why God created the world. He created the world for His glory. He created us in His image, and He wanted to bring the kingdom of heaven from the spiritual realm to the physical realm. He created a perfect place and wanted us to be in relationship with Him. We all know how that worked out. Adam and Eve ruined it long before you and I ever arrived here on earth. God gave us free will because He wanted us to choose Him. We were born into a world where sin runs rampant, and the odds were already heavily stacked against us by the time we got here.

I still had plenty of questions, and God had a lot of explaining to do as far as I was concerned. It just did not make sense that His Word is filled with promises and talk of His love for me, yet my life does not look “in earth as it is in heaven.”

God gave me three scriptures to focus on. Matthew 4:17 (KJV) says, “From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” James 1:5 (NIV) says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” Matthew 6:33 (ESV) says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” These were the answers to my questions.

I previously believed that to repent simply meant to feel regret for my sins and to ask God for forgiveness but that was incorrect. In Hebrew, the word “Repent” (תשובה/teshuvah) means to return. Jesus was telling us to turn away from sin and the ways of the world and return to God. When I thought about asking for wisdom, I realized that I saw it as situational. If I lacked wisdom about something specific, I would pray about that. In church, I learned that I am the righteousness of God through Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21) but for me, it was just another one of those scriptures that you say “Amen” to without fully understanding what it means. Seeking the kingdom was another thing that I had never questioned or understood. I could not recall ever hearing anyone truly explain what it means. Other than studying God’s Word, I did not know what seeking the kingdom entailed. I lacked wisdom on this so I asked God for it and He answered.

Seeking the kingdom is a way of life and a lifelong commitment if we want to see all of God’s promises come to pass in our lives. It requires us to dedicate every single day and moment to God. This means that we do nothing without going to Him first and being obedient in going where He leads us. Before you start getting a weird picture in your head about what that looks like, consider what you are currently dedicating your life to. How is that working for you? Are you asking the same questions that I asked? Is life taking you for a ride, or have you recognized and taken hold of the power that God has placed in you? What do you have to lose by seeking the kingdom?

Walking with God is requiring me to question every single thing that I have ever thought about life and its meaning. I would encourage you to question and examine everything as well. I believe that we can have everything that God said we could, but we may just find that we are missing the mark when it comes to doing our part. I said in a previous post that God is not a genie. He put us here for a reason, and we’ve got plenty of work to do.

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