Recently I watched an episode of a podcast, and it made me feel disheartened about the state of relationships and the mental health of people in general, but especially of men. Shortly after the podcast, I saw a post on social media from a man about conversations that he has had with his male friends. He wrote that he understands why women are saying the things that we are saying about men. A woman commented on the post saying that this is the reason women do not mind being single. The destruction that men bring is not worth disrupting our peace. She made a good point. These men who bring destruction tend to go through life trying to cover up their mess. When you call them out, they leave you to own it while they move on to destroy someone else’s life.
This is not about tearing men apart in any way, but I do hold them accountable for the state of relationships between men and women. This is not only about single men. Several married men are lost and as a result cause a lot of pain for their wives. There are also healthy men out there trying to help. The unfortunate thing is that the help is only going to be impactful for the men who let go of their pride, receive the revelation that they need help, and then take full responsibility and do the painful but rewarding work that it takes to heal fully and authentically. They can then see clearly what being a “real man” is all about.
Genesis 1:27 (KJV) – So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
Genesis 2:18 (NIV) – The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Genesis 2:21-22 (NIV) – So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[a] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[b] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
1 Corinthians 11:8-9 (KJV) – For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
God created man first and He created woman as a helper for man. I am not speaking against women’s rights or liberation at all, but maybe that movement would not have been necessary if women had not been forced to step into places that God designed for men. We were designed to need one another, and we have equally important roles in that design. For all the strong, independent women who can do anything and do not need a man, that is great if it is working for you and you are happy. Have at it, my friend. I am simply going back to God’s original plan. If we are going to address the issues with relationships today, we must understand what the plan was.
When it comes to the strong, independent women in business that most of us have also had to become, it is interesting that it is even harder to cross paths with the right partner. When you meet a successful man, you are expected to work and make a lot of money like him, but then come home to cook, clean, take care of a family, and do everything else to prove that you can be a wife. If in his eyes you “fail” at taking care of your home but excel in your career, he may believe that he will not be the man of his house with a woman like you. If you are not married to him, he may discard you, treat you badly, or just keep you in rotation for those moments when he is in between the other women that he is running through. If you are married to him, he may cheat on you with the woman who makes him “feel like a man.”
It also appears that the more successful a man is the more he expects you to tolerate his immoral behavior. During a conversation we were having, one man was incredibly open with me about the fact that he refers to women as “bitches.” It was sad. Many men seem to believe that their business success compensates for what they lack in character and integrity. They consider themselves to be a great catch based on looks, education, money, material things, and the wrong criteria altogether. They excuse their immoral behavior and treat women disrespectfully just because they know that they can get away with it. If you are a woman who is amazing at taking care of your home and family but not as successful financially, he may think you are only interested in him for money. When you meet a man who does not make as much money as you it hurts his ego, and in the process, he is emasculated and shrinks around you, leaving you to function as the man and woman of your house. It seems like you cannot win.
I addressed dysfunctional men in an earlier post titled “…But I Digress.” What I shared in that post about my experience seems to resemble what many other women are encountering. It seems that suddenly there is an excessive number of men who have layers of trauma that they have not healed from and refuse to take responsibility for. Really, it’s just the fact that we are in a different era where the behavior is being called out publicly on social platforms. Men are finally being held accountable. Still, you may find that it has resulted in a lot of men doing little more than acknowledging and speaking eloquently about their trauma but doing absolutely nothing about it. They have just become the hype man for their trauma and enjoy the attention they get from it. They have discovered that it can be used to continue to manipulate women. It is amazing how hard people will work to find a shortcut rather than doing what needs to be done.
At the root of it all, these men are experiencing a spiritual identity crisis and have completely lost sight of the fact that they were made in God’s image. As I think about my reason for writing this, I realized that it is little more than a plea for men to wake up. Most women have a story to tell about at least one man who ran through their life like a bull in a China shop. It is time to stop the madness.
As I said before this is not about bashing men. There are just as many dysfunctional women out there as well. I simply believe that men are the key to the healing that needs to take place for us all. Many women are taking full responsibility for their trauma and doing the work to heal. Then they are forced to decide to remain single because of men who refuse to do the work. When men step up and into the image-bearers that they were created to be, they will have the ability to cover the women that God gave to them as helpers, which in turn results in healing for us all.
So yes, this is a plea to the broken, unhealed men in this world. My brothers, please open your spiritual eyes. You must understand that in your current, broken state you are a detriment, and not as important to the world as you think you are. You may be broken, but God can fully restore you, and He will make up for the lost years. Have the courage to heal. Then clean up the messes that you have made in whatever way the Holy Spirit guides you to do so. God has important work for you to do and I can only speak for myself, but I support you, and I am really looking forward to seeing you step fully into the man that God created you to be. Trust me. We need you.
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Very well spoken!
Thanks Felicia!