Weighing the Cost
As I close this series on the journey of telling my story, I want to address the other struggles I shared but did not go into detail. In my book, I share three areas of my life that had been hardest to overcome and get to a healthy place: relationships, finances, and weight. In this season, the Holy Spirit has not led me to go into detail about weight and finances, but I must acknowledge and share where I am at in each area of my journey.
Of the three, there are a myriad of reasons why relationships had to be first on the list. In addition to relationships with others, I had to face the reality of my relationship with myself. I loved myself, but God had to show me how I had been deceived about what that should look like. My definition of self-love was dictated by the world, and there was so much cruelty in that. The so-called politically correct world tells you to love yourself. You are told to see the beauty in what makes you unique. However, that same politically correct world continues to shove ideals in your face about what beauty and self-love look like. Either way, the focus seems to always be on the external, physical self.
What I needed to understand was the way God sees me. When we consider that God created us, even if we have made poor choices, His love for us never wavers. I had spent so much time thinking about everything the world says is wrong with me. It led me to believe that I deserved little more than a mediocre life, and I should appreciate that. I believed I fell short in every category society judges us on. God had to show me what an insult it is to Him that I would judge anything according to the standards of this fallen world. I had to discard garbage imposed upon me by the world to understand who God created me to be. Once I understood that, I began to love myself in a way I had never experienced, and on a level I am finding difficult to even express with words. I no longer allow myself to be defined by any standards set by the world.
I also needed to understand my relationship with this world. Because of my introverted nature, my view of myself as mediocre at best, and the fact that sometimes life is hard, I had created my little corner of the world filled with unicorns, rainbows, and butterflies. The point I wanted to make is that it did not matter what was going on in the world. My environment was safe. It was filled with peace and happiness, and it was authentic. When chaos ensued, I would deal with it but quickly return to my place of peace, away from the outside world. I knew there were terrible things and people in the world, but I wanted to believe people in general were inherently good, and that if I were a good person, people would be good to me. Most of the time it was true.
What I discovered is that my foundation was not solid because it was built based on my fear of the world. It was not built on a solid foundation in the Kingdom of God. God had to break apart the entire foundation, rebuild it, and in the process teach me what life is all about. I still get to have my world filled with unicorns, rainbows, and butterflies, but now that my foundation has been rebuilt, I am firmly rooted in Christ and can experience true joy and peace.
Finances were something else God had to work with me on. This world tends to force a scarcity mindset upon us. One where we believe in this imaginary pie that has a limited number of slices and is only for a certain group of people. There is a hoarding of wealth, knowledge, and resources for fear that someone else will come along and take it away. If we struggle financially, we find ourselves in this perpetual trap of trying to stay afloat while accepting crumbs from the imaginary pie as our lot in life. While God did not give me the assignment to become a financial guru to the world, I do have a responsibility to share a simple formula.
Full Obedience to God’s Will = Needs Being Met Abundantly
This applies to each of us. Being a Kingdom citizen and walking in obedience to God’s will allows you to trust that your needs will be met. Navigating the human experience can be unnerving and admittedly difficult at times. It is easy to get pulled into the world’s perspective on money, so it is important to stay firmly rooted in what God says. If you are a Kingdom citizen in good standing, God must take care of you because you are living according to His will. The world has conditioned us to believe we must choose jobs based on external circumstances in the human realm rather than what God has put us here to do for His Kingdom. What work and money look like in this world is not what it looks like at all in His Kingdom.
The last struggle, weight, had been an issue for as long as I can remember. Although I have not completely overcome this issue, I love the way God is dealing with me. I don’t know how true it is, but I have heard that weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise. God led me to address exercise first. After a year and a half, Pilates is the only exercise I love and want to do for the rest of my life – or until God leads me to something else. In the past when I tried to confront my weight struggles, I would go all in with drastic diet and exercise changes at the same time and would quickly fail because it was too much all at once. I had to break free from the all-or-nothing mindset. This will be a lifelong journey and I did not get to where I am overnight so I cannot expect overnight results. One day at a time.
In sharing these things with you, my goal is to encourage you in your journey. We all have things we need to address. Please stop waiting for non-existent perfect conditions to occur, or for God to lay out the plan before you will take a step. The enemy will keep you trapped in fear all the way to your deathbed if you are not careful – and none of us know our day or hour. If you want everything God has for you, you must get serious about what He put you here to do and do it.
As you reflect on what you struggle with most, consider whether you have handed those things over to God. Many times, we go to God for the big things and hold on to the seemingly smaller stuff. I don’t know if we think we do not need His help, that we don’t want to burden Him with our little issues when bigger things are going on in the world, or if it never occurred to us that we should give Him everything. If we give Him all our struggles, He will give each of us a customized plan for our journey. It is a beautiful thing.
Being all in with God requires full submission in every area of our lives. You must weigh the cost of your journey and make the choices you believe are right for you. Trust that God will prioritize what is most important and lead the way. You may discover what you thought was a small thing you did not want to bother Him with is an important thing and a high priority in the Kingdom.
I am sharing my journey in the hope that if you have not already done so, you will pursue the narrow path, which means total surrender in everything. I think it is worth it but don’t take my word for it. Go to God for yourself and He will show you.
Your time spent reading this post is deeply appreciated. If you prefer to listen, all blog posts are accessible on SoundCloud.