Healing and Sharing Our Stories
As I continue to share this journey, I am reflecting on my original intent. I wanted to skate the surface, use fun metaphors and analogies, and tell everyone about the goodness of God. I wanted to keep a safe distance from people, and I absolutely did not want to be so vulnerable publicly, yet here we are.
The most important thing I had to understand is that in addition to sharing my story with integrity, it was necessary to be healed first. If we do not heal before sharing things publicly, we run the risk of selfishly and dangerously using public platforms as pseudo-therapy and to get attention. It feels good to talk through things but there is a difference in sharing our journey as led by the Holy Spirit to help and encourage others, than it is to air dirty laundry, unknowingly embarrass ourselves, and infect other people with our sickness while calling it healing.
I remember when I believed a sincere apology was needed. God used that feeling to teach me that healing does not lie in an apology, and the lack of an apology should not impede healing. Whether a person is truly sorry or not is not our business. It is between them and God.
Consider a situation where someone hurt you deeply. If you receive an apology, you may evaluate whether you believe it was sincere. You may look and listen for any sign of emotion while they apologize. If you are not satisfied, you may stay stuck in the hurt the person caused, unconsciously using their lack of an authentic apology as an excuse to remain unhealed. If you believe it was authentic, it may feel good for a moment, but the hurt feelings will resurface if you don’t do the work required to truly heal. There are no shortcuts to authentic healing. I am explaining this based on generalities of human nature so do not be offended if you don’t believe this applies to you.
For me, the first part of healing was forgiveness. Do you know how people say, “I’ll forgive but I’ll never forget.”? If someone hurts you deeply enough, it is true. I was able to forgive, but I had to accept that I would not only not forget, but that the enemy would impose thoughts on me, attempting to cause me to lose focus of how God is using it for my good. What happened with Sanjay is what God used to lead me to the narrow path. It will always be a part of my story. The good thing is that as I move forward and go deeper with God, this chapter will not always be at the forefront. It will become a one-liner in the story of my journey to the narrow path.
I was able to forgive because I want everything God has for me, and I want to do everything He put me here to do. God taught me to examine the spiritual root of everything I face. I was not to look at the person who hurt me but at the spirit driving their behavior. It was not always easy. I had to have compassion and understand that Sanjay’s issues run deep. While I was seeking healing for myself, God led me to pray for Sanjay. My human nature was like, “Wait, what?” I wanted God to vindicate me, but God was telling me to pray for the person who hurt me. Obedience was necessary for God to use this situation for His purpose, so I prayed sincerely for Sanjay.
Because I had allowed someone access to parts of my world that I have never shared with anyone and then got hurt I had to understand that while I had forgiven, I still had human thoughts and the desire for vindication. Please understand these thoughts do not mean one has not forgiven. It means you are human. What matters is what you do with those thoughts. Any time thoughts or emotions arise, we must acknowledge and release them. Suppression of thoughts and feelings delays full healing while acknowledging them allows us to move toward full healing. The road to healing is an ongoing process however long it needs to take for each of us. The amount of time it takes is determined by our decision to actively do the work to heal.
The hardest part of my journey was coming to terms with how out of touch I was with the world. Being more of an introvert, I spend most of my time detached from the world and deep in my thoughts. Life is not perfect, but I had carved out my corner of the world where I could live the life I wanted when it came to what I had control over. I was protected from the outside world and clueless about my areas of vulnerability until I allowed full access to a man who should not have been allowed. Once I came to terms with the assignment of sharing my journey, I was hesitant to share details. I do not know anyone who jumps at the chance to publicly admit how gullible they were.
When we enter someone’s life, we become a part of their story and they become a part of ours. We should be mindful of the role we play. I am not suggesting that we get in character. We should have character, integrity, and authenticity in everything we do and with everyone we cross paths with. If your authentic self lacks character and integrity, continue to be who you are. Just know that you may land the role of the antagonist. We never know who may be led to share their story publicly, and if they will be healed when they share it.
I was listening to a podcast where a woman shared her story. As I listened, I was amazed at how much she went through and lived to talk about it. In the past, stories like hers made me believe my story did not matter. I was the average person who had not gone through anything so extreme that it kept me on the edge of my seat. We listen to the stories of others and think because we have not been through anything that extreme, we don’t have a story to tell, or that our story is not important when compared to others. We should not compare.
Whether you have a harrowing tale of your survival, or one you think is not important, there are people who relate to your story and need to hear it. They need to be encouraged in their journey and know that their stories matter. Sharing your story may help them to understand this.
If you have fully healed from something you have been through and are feeling a nudge from the Holy Spirit to share your story, I pray this will be an encouragement for you to take the steps and do so. Your story is not for you. Someone needs to hear it and you have a right to tell it.
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